by Alia
Once upon a time, I got a call from a UU pastor who was working at a shelter for men trying to get back on their feet. He had been speaking to a fellow who was Wiccan and in some trouble with the law (not related to the religion). I’ll refer to the Wiccan fellow as Don, and the pastor as Joe. He made some phone calls, and eventually through the tangled phone vine, reached my spouse, who called me. I talked to the pastor for some time, going over Don’s situation, and agreed to meet with first Joe, then Don.
Joe called me on a Friday afternoon. I work downtown, and the shelter was nearby, so I shut down my office for the weekend and hustled over to the shelter. Unfortunately, Don wasn’t aware that I was coming to see him, and he had gone to pick up his paycheck. However, I got to spend a half hour or so talking to Joe and telling him a bit about Wicca and Hearthstone, along with my dreams for the church functioning in the greater community. I left my cell phone number for Don, and Joe dropped me off at the bus station for my ride home.
Monday I heard from Don, and arranged to meet with him after work. I started with the obvious question: What do you need from me? He told me he mostly needed to talk to someone; oh, and he would like Joe and I both to be in court with him the next day at 8 am. Joe had already agreed to be there; I didn’t have time to make appropriate arrangements, so I could not attend the hearing.
This irritated me (privately – Don already had enough to worry about) because I would have been very willing to be there, if someone had told me about it earlier so I could be there. Don and I did talk for about three hours. He gave me some things to think about, and I hope I did the same for him.
A while back, there was a column on the Internet about how when a Wiccan woman had a child in the hospital, the community did not support her. It wasn’t in Denver, but gypsy spotted it and passed it on to me, because she knows that ministry to those who need someone is part of my Goddess-given avocation, and she thought I might have an opinion. I certainly did – and gypsy turned that response into a nice reaction column and posted it with the woman’s plaint. (I should point out that when Alyria was born critically ill, the community rallied around me with impressive strength and support. This did color my reaction to the column, which is why gypsy reworded my response.)
Before that, I’d occasionally seen comments or complaints along the lines of “when I was sick, no one came to see me and see how I was doing!” This also bothers me.
I see personal responsibility as one of the prime tenets of Wicca, my religion. To me, all of the incidents I describe are greater or lesser abdications of personal responsibility. They’re also symptomatic of one of my favorite rants: I’m not a mind reader! I have to know you want me there before I will show up.
Wicca is a non-proselytizing religion. It’s also one that doesn’t pay the clergy. Both these factors mean that I or any other Wiccan are not likely to be cruising around looking for someone to help. I have a full time job, a family, and many commitments. I’m willing to make other commitments, once I know about them. In addition, since we don’t proselytize, we also tend not to want to "intrude" on someone who isn’t doing well, physically or emotionally, unless we know that the person would welcome the "intrusion."
Don wouldn’t have talked to any Wiccan before his court date if Joe hadn’t taken it upon himself to find me. Don didn’t even ask Joe to find me – I’m very glad Joe took the initiative and found me anyway. Don probably would have had access to Wiccan clergy sooner if he had directly asked Joe to see if he could find someone, or if he had gone to or called any of the fine metaphysical shops in the area.
The woman with the child in the hospital simply expected her clergy to come calling – after all, the hospital chaplain came, and was nice and helpful, but no Wiccans showed up for her. Right now, I have my name with exactly one hospital chaplain – most of them don’t seem to be interested in using Wiccan resources. Did she tell anyone in her community that she needed the support? We still aren’t mind readers, not even after three more paragraphs. When I was in that situation, we called out the troops. After Alyria was moved to Children’s Hospital, a Wiccan nurse recognized her name from the birth announcement at the OFM and immediately signed up to care for her in the NICU. We called friends, and they called friends, and while I was separated from my baby, I was never left alone. Some of my friends even refused to leave when the nurse tried to shoo them out, because I had made it clear I needed my friends there.
I’ve done hospital visits before. In order to make sure I am not intruding, if I’m not familiar with the patient, I will call someone close and offer my services. Then, that person can check with the patient and see if they want me to come by. If they say yes, I’ll come by. I’ll call a circle, give energy, pray, do whatever needs to be done. Then I’ll leave my phone number and tell the patient to call me if they want me to come back. I don’t want to become more of a hindrance than a help.
So here is my challenge to each of you: Make use of your community! If you need help, ask! It doesn’t have to be someone from Hearthstone. Remember that many of us are quite willing to help, if you tell us what you need.
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